I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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