I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
