are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
