yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm passing your future prison.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
