We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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