Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
