Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
