my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
