I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
