Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
