I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
