upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
