omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
vagina is talking i cant
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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