So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
