we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
