i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
