I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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