I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
