I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just pynch a tree in the face
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
