i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
