**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
True college students do jello shots in the library
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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