It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we're so committed to being not committed
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
