I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
