I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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