Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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