i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just pee around me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
