What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
