She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The convent might be a nice break from real life
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
