i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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