what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
