Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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