I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
