***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
