I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
