my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
