You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
