WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
