Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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