I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
