Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
