I want to walk on stilts...naked
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
