i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize