He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
