12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
