I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
