Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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