u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Boobs speak an international language.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
