what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
