he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
