I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
