is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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