we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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