Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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