No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
