I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
