My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
