went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
