Please, let me fuck your mom
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize