she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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