Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
