Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
