If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
