I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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