Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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