dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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