I'm eating all of the evidence.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
