sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize