This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize