Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
