But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize