whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize