Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
