this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
