yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize