This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
